I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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