I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
