I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't think brook has ever known best
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
