and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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