He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
