my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
