we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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