You can't special order awesome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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