I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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