if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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