Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
