____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I died a long time ago.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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