i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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