then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
