As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
