I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
