birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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