Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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