I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
