He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
