I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
