I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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