Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
