Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
