Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
