you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
