Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
