I never want to see another naked old woman again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
