I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
