oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
