I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
