that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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