I like to think it a success when the cops are called
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
