I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
