singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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