I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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