I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
