my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
