Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
