dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
