I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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