that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
