we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How external is "for external use only"?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
