I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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