i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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