Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize