you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
