my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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