someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
