Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
