I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
