One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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