no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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