I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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