I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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