I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
