I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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